Is it ever over....

Is it ever over or do side trips never end?

Over a year down the track every now and then I catch glimpses of the effects of last year on my family. At first the evidence was not hard to miss like children crying as I returned to Sydney for yet another specialist appointment. Crying and saying you are coming home tonight Mum.



Last night my beautiful girl was sad. She did not want to go to bed. Bless-ed Harmony was the youngest being 2 when all the side trip was going on. A 2 year old needs her Mum. Last night my Bless-ed parents were visiting. My Mother was a rock for us last year. She spent weeks in my home caring for my family.She was my family's surrogate mum. Bless-ed Harmony would not have survived without her Nan and her everlasting love.

Last night we tried to put Harmony to bed. She was crying unconsolably. With some gently rocking and sweet words she brought her tears under control and finally spluttered some words.

"No one makes me happy. I am sad,"she said. I encouraged her to explain.

"You leave when Nan is here. I want you to stay. Nan goes away when you are here and I miss her. You can't be here together."

Silently my heart begins to ache. She has not forgotten I realise. Her heart is telling her she loves us both but her head is saying we can't exist in our home together. As she grows older she will come to understand. At the moment she is confused.



I know in time we will all move on, we have already come so far. Last night was but a gentle reminder that the side trip is woven into our lives forever.



When you say to others, I beat you are glad that is over, you need to remember for them it never will be. Side trips are the fabric making up everyone's lives.



Cathryn

Alaska- loved and discovered

I Loved- my new friends with the Anne connection,watching the glacier's splashing and crashing delights, the inspiring beauty, lobster tail surf'n'turf yum yum yum, waking up to quiet, surprise views out the window, eavesdropping on interesting conversations-sshhh, You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me Lucille, band aids on the floor moments, missing my family as absence really does make the heart grow fonder, grande cappuccinos- what is 8 ounces?, walking down the left side of corridors saying sorry I'm Australian, wondering why I was getting funny looks when I spoke-do you know what buggered means?, magnetic dining- how did I end up sitting with people I have never meet before eating this wonderful food, Yikes!!! there is a monkey in my room and an elephant, Nordstroms and every US shop I walked into, my new Fendi handbag :) I still cannot believe I own it, lastly I loved being me and only me for a week.

I Discovered- international airports aren't that scary, being an author is not about writing a book, heat waves happen in Alaska too, others can say love, heal, the right space and journey lots, I need to speak up if I ever want to get an upgrade- 15 year olds in first class how ridiculous, you never know who you are going to meet, family are always on the edge of your thoughts no matter how much fun you are having, the US has a huge population and you have to line up for everything, everyone has a story to tell, when travelling on your own you are more likely to be searched at check points, and I discovered there is nothing like seeing your bless-ed family again when you get home.

Cathryn

Have you ever.....

Have you ever had a thought, idea or daydream going on in your mind that you find is still tumbling around in there for days and weeks later. This is what started to happen after Frank (my hubby) suggested I went to Alaska in March to see Cheryl Richardson on a cruise. I didn't want to go (too cold) and I wasn't ready to leave my family again, not even for a week. I would find myself driving over the mountain with the kids carrying on behind me so deep in my thoughts of my book and ideas of helping others, sometimes I wondered how I got home. I had all these ideas popping up and I didn't know what to do with them.




In June we had our annual preschool dance. It was a HUGE night! Quite a few wines were consumed. At some stage, late in the night I started talking to Bec, we were swapping stories and then these ideas of mine tumbled out. Bec was really interested. I woke in the morning and thought was that for real? Was there actually someone in the Valley who gets what I am thinking? There are only like 1000 people living here!



With busy lives Bec and I only ran into each other after that promising we must get together soon. Bec was heading OS for a few weeks so the timing wasn't right. Little did I realise I was heading OS too.



My bless-ed parents phoned me one afternoon and announced they were heading OS in 2 weeks time. I was very happy for them and said YAY for them for being so spontaneous. They were very excited and were full of news of their plans. I hung up the phone from listening to them and thinking how great it was and feeling slightly envious of their spontaneity. I decided to check my emails and opened one from Hay House. These words leaped out at me from the screen.



YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN PUBLISH YOUR BOOK!



I was a bit surprised to have been sent such a direct message. The universe had read my mind. I showed Frank and we realised this was the cruise in Alaska he'd mentioned months before. It had more than one program available on it. The cruise started to consume my thoughts and I talked with Frank about it on and off for a couple of days. Frank went away for the weekend and within minutes of returning home he asked if I was going to Alaska. I said yes I think I need to go. The next days were filled with making bookings and organising. It felt surreal for me to be the one heading off on such an adventure, I am usually the one who stays home.



Two short weeks later we piled in the car and my bless-ed family drove me to the airport. All the way I wanted to say if you don't want me to go it is okay. I had never travelled that far before on my own. It felt so strange that I was going. After a teary goodbye to my bless-eds I walked through the doors to customs and stepped into my newest side trip :)



Messages are there for you and you just need to recognise them and act!



Cathryn

This is where I am at....

This photo is my bless-ed family. Our little baby n0.5, who we have gained so much strength and insight from the time she was conceived into our world, is my inspiration for what I am trying to achieve.

I have spent a couple of days trying to decide where to start and have decided to start with the right now.

Right now I am a busy mum of 5 who has decided to write a book on bringing my bless-ed baby into this world. Just to add a little bit more on my plate, together with my good friend Bec, who has had a similar experience, I am aiming to set up a support group for parents of preterm and unwell newborns.

Last year my little sidetrip was about finding myself expecting the unexpected arrival of my 5th child. While still grappling with accepting the pregnancy I found myself hospitalised at 19+5 weeks gestation. I was put on bed rest because of 3 life threatening complications, one being threaten preterm labour.

I was hospitalised for the duration of my pregnancy which for those who have never had a baby is normally 40 weeks long. My body half way through my pregnancy had decided it had had enough :(

It was not until months later I realised it had not been expected that I would continue much further into the pregnancy more than a couple of weeks. Anyone with any medical knowledge of my condition would say I beat the odds by making it to 34 weeks before I delivered. Never in the entire time I was in hospital did I think the task of keeping my baby inside for a few more months as unachievable, it was a case of if my baby and my body agreed.

I had kept a journal from early in my pregnancy so revisiting the emotions, the feelings and the goings on are there for me to share. I am working almost daily on my book. The story of my courage to write my book is for another day.

My sidetrip has made me realise that in our community there are thousands of mums, dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends who are affected by pregnancy complications, preterm births and full term babies who are born unwell. In Australia there are 21,000 preterm births a year and in the US it is around the 500,000 mark. If I could help one family as my community helped ours during my hospital stay, I know it would make a huge difference to peoples lives.

So now I have the task of writing my book and working to set up the support group!

Got to love hard work :)

Cathryn

Welcome to Bless-ed Baby

Welcome.....I am on a journey which I have come to realise is my entire life from birth to now.



At one time I read one of those born on this day birthday books. Interestingly it said people born on my birthday especially women don't find their true role or passion until around the age of forty. They are busy with family responsibilities or don't find their strengths until around this time.

It is true for me. As I approached my 40th year I set upon a side trip and found this out about myself:

I am passionate for life

I am passionate about my family

I am passionate in my need to help others who are walking a path similar to mine

Join me as I continue on my journey....