Divine Mother's Love

I read 'A Song in the Daylight' by Paullina Simons a few months ago. The conversation below still resonates with me. Somedays as I go about picking up shoes, toys, food and other forgotten must have important items I think I bend, I bend, I bend! The main character is a 40 year old mother of three called Larissa and she recalls a memory of a conversation with her friend Evelyn. I think it speaks volumes for a Mother's Love.


'All I do is pick up after the children. That's what I do. I went to school, grew up, went to college, worked hard, studied hard, dreamed BIG, got a job, briefly, thought much of myself, my talents, my intellectual gifts. I rocked to music, devoured books, baked, painted, danced, smoked. I was so happening. And then I had one child and another and another. And now all I do from morning to night is direct them and clean up their cereal bowls. Go get your glasses. Go get your folder. Go get the letter for me to sign. Go get your shoes. Go get your bag, your lunch money, your coat, your sister, your clarinet. Or; put your shoes away. Put your bowl away. Put the cereal box away. Throw away the wrapper. Close the pantry door. Pick that straw up off the floor. Close the dishwasher. Clothes go in the hamper, not right outside. Fold your couch blanket. Give Riot some water. The tissues from your runny nose, do they belong on the table or in the garbage? The empty cups, the empty boxes, the open jar of peanut butter, when when when will it ever stop? '

Evelyn sat smiling lightly. 'I agree with everything you say, Larissa. My back is bent because there is always something on the floor I need to pick up. I was, I am, just like you. I can't believe I'm doing this instead of reading, or writing, or acting on stage. Do you remember how much I loved the stage? It was my life! And now this is what I do while the kids run off to their friends. I bend down and down.' Evelyn nodded. 'Larissa, I know. But this I also know. When you spend the day, each day and every day, all the time, picking up after other people, and not just other people, but your children, your flesh and blood children, you bend, you sigh, you pick up the toy they dropped, the milk cover, the money they had to take on the trip and didn't, when you do all those things for them, day in and day out, that's when you find the Divine within yourself. You know why? Because it is only the Divine within you that would do it. Do you know what I mean? You do it because that is what Love looks like, bent at the basin on the floor, washing their feet.'


Before you became a mother, did you understand the devotion it would take to be a mother? The tedious hours of work to keep them happy with our reward being seeing them happy.

Mother's Love, Divine Love or is it Divine Mother's Love?

Happy Mother's Day!

Cathryn

What I am Loving Right Now!

Right now I am loving that my 11 year old still loves cuddles from me. I love when I look at my 8 year old and I can still see the faint essence of the baby he once was. I love my 6 year old's eagerness for life in everything he does even when he cries. I love my princess 4 year old who is truly growing into a little girl as pink is slowly taking over the house and I love that my princess almost 2 calls mumma as soon as she wakes up though before 7 am is starting to wear thin!

What are you loving right now?

Fear!

I've found myself with little to say at present. I'm not writing, blogging, updating my status often or tweeting. I feel I have nothing to say. My only real answer to all this is fear. I'm fearful of the next step I think. I don't know what to do about it. I'm fearful that if I finish my book I will then need to pursue it further but it also fear that people will not want to read it. I know of so many more inspiring stories than mine,stories of people who have faced so much more than I.

When I used to write I'd pour my heart out and say how it truly felt. Now when I attempt writing I am guarded and concerned. I think can I really admit that or tell people this.

My book is practically written now with lots of editing work to be done. It sits awaiting my return.

I have sat and thought about the fear I felt when faced with my predicament two years ago. I know I drew strength from the love of my bless-ed family and friends to get me through. Some days I sat and looked out the hospital window imagining the love from everyone outside pouring in to support me. I'd wrap it around me and feel comforted.

This is a new challenge I am facing now. This time the love to conquer the fear needs to come from within me. I need to love myself and believe in myself on a whole new level so I can step up and accomplish my dream.

Love- it is that simple and that difficult!

Cathryn

The People You Meet

Tonight I took all 5 bless-ed kids to the Golden Arches for dinner. Not my choice of restaurant but sometimes it comes down to convenience!

As we walked back to our car (our car is lovingly known as the Mother Ship) a beautiful big dog came romping up to us. I shielded the girls as the dog was nearly as big as them and I'm always cautious around dogs (a whole other story for another time). The owner called the dog back and apologised stating it was dinner time for the dog. I smiled and comment on what a beautiful dog it was.

I looked at the owner, trying not to stare as I took in his missing arm and his artificial leg. I was bundling the kids into the car when Jenson asked the question, but not the question I was expecting!

'Is he the the train guy Mum?' Jenson asked, 'You know the guy off the TV ad about crossing the tracks safely?'

I admitted I didn't know and as I closed the door of the car I decided to ask the guy.

'Are you the train safety guy? I asked him and he looked puzzled.'Off the TV ads about crossing the railroad safely? Your arm and leg? My kids were asking me.'

'No, I'm the guy who was bitten by a shark,'he replied.

'Sydney Harbour?' I asked and he nodded yes, 'Thought so.'

The shark bite guy was watching me as I shut the door of the car and I walked over to him.

'I had a client back in '93 who's husband was eaten by a shark on their honeymoon up at Byron Bay,' I told him,'I can see by the surfboard on your car roof that it hasn't stopped you going in the water.'

'Hasn't stopped me. Surf, snorkel, scuba dive, swim. I still go in the water.'

'I've never been one for the water,'I smiled at him and said goodbye.

I drove off thinking WoW I meet the guy who was bitten by a shark in Sydney Harbour. What an interesting story he must have to tell!

Then I realised everyone has a story to tell. It isn't always that obvious to everyone else!

Geez, wish I could meet him again as I now have a zillion questions for him!

Cathryn

Suffering From Writer's Block!!!

Arrgh!!!!!

I secretly believed that writer's block didn't exist! It is the strangest thing. I want to write but when I sit down the words aren't in my head. The voice I have been hearing for the last year is quiet. What gives me hope is now and then I hear a little whisper.

Writing is a solitary thing to do. No one can help you. They can read what you write and offer advice. No one can write it for you.

I am searching and searching for the answer to my block. I am coming to the conclusion this is the wrong thing to do. I think it is simply where I am at.

I am trying to work on the last part of my book. I think this may be the most revealing and intimate part of my story. It is set in the time after Tia's birth and I am recovering and building my life again. There is healing of my body, mind and spirit. Coming home after months of being away from my family was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It wasn't as simple as here I am, I'm back, now lets get on with it!

Perhaps I need to sit with it all for awhile. I have thought that perhaps I need to go on a retreat. I did find one I was interested in but it is held over Easter. I asked the kids if it was okay if I wasn't home for Easter.

'No! You were away for Easter last year!' was the reply.

'Well, actually that was two years ago,' I said.

'Mummy, we never want you to be away for Easter ever again!' Caelan stated.

A retreat is not to be.

So I will sit with it.I will look inside and the answer will be there.

It always is!

Cathryn

Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago today I sat in my OB's office being told that I only had 2-3 weeks before I would probably deliver my baby.

This is normally pretty exciting news to be told when you're pregnant especially if you're 37 weeks pregnant. It isn't exciting news to be told when you're only just over 19 weeks pregnant.

I watch the boom gate come down on my life. I was admitted into hospital that afternoon to try and add as many hours, days and weeks as I could onto my pregnancy.

I was on strict bed rest and was to stay in hospital until my baby was born.

At some stage on my first afternoon in hospital I recalled after the birth of my fourth child I'd needed to purchase shields for feeding. To do this I had to go the Special Care Nursery (SCN). The SCN is an off limits area only parents of admitted babies are allowed in. It is not an area that you can waltz into. I stood at the door of the SCN waiting for someone to notice me.

It was busy in there. Two midwives helped the NETS team (they transport preterm and sick babies to other hospitals)work on a tiny baby. I was mesmerized watching them. I openly gawked as I watch all they were doing from my distant position at the door.

Finally, I was noticed and sent quickly on my way with my shields in hand. As I walked slowly down the corridor and back to my room I thanked God that the baby was not my baby. I thanked God none of my babies had ever been in the SCN. I thank God for the beautiful healthy children I had.

Two years ago today, I sat in hospital remembering the scene. I prayed to God. This time I asked him to let it be me.

Please let that be the outcome for me I prayed. Please let my baby be born at an age that the doctors and nurses can help her. Please give me have a few more weeks of pregnancy because if I don't make it to 24 weeks my baby will surely die.

So two years ago today I began the wait for my baby. Two years ago today I started my side trip of learning what surrender truly means.

Cathryn

Human Milk for Human Babies

The Mothers Milk Bank urgently needs $50000 by the end of this month! Please consider donating!!!

When I had Tia I sat for seven days pumping milk off every four hours for Tia. I thought I was doing well when I got 10ml. On the seventh day the lactation consultant came and suggested I start medication as my milk may not come in on its own after my traumatic birth. I was a bit stunned as I had never had troubles with my milk and usually had enough to feed three babies. I asked for one more day as putting yet more medicine in my body didn't appeal to me. The next morning I received a blessing of 100ml in the bottle when I pumped off. My milk had come in on its own!

A few days later I comprehended how lucky I had been. I watch another mother in the Special Care Nursery cry her tears of loss as she conceded defeat. After her traumatic birth, where she had nearly died on the theatre table, her milk was not going to come in. The medication had not worked, no amount of expressing was bringing her milk in plus her baby was too small to suck, she would never experience the bond of breastfeeding her tiny premmie baby.

As Tia received more and more of my milk she started to gain weight and slowly but surely began to thrive. The other tiny premmie was doing well but not as well as if he was being breastfeed.

The government is not interested in helping the milk bank as they want to be seen as promoting breastfeeding!!! and feel the bank takes away from this???? I will not say anymore about this....ggrrrrr

Around Australia hundreds of unwell and premature babies don't receive their mothers milk for various reasons. This is were the Mothers Milk Bank comes into play so these babies who really need it can get human milk to give them the best start in life. At the moment the milk bank is feeding an unwell baby who was early and his mother is undergoing chemotherapy so can't breastfeed him. If the don't raise $50000 this week the bank will lose their important pasteurising machine!

So please donate and think of all these little babies and their mums on Friday 26th February!

I will be wearing a white shirt on Friday, will you?

Cathryn

Here is the link