I can't say that anymore!

We are having a very busy time with our bless-ed kids on school holidays, our holiday cottages and a delightful stream of friends coming through our door to visit us!

But this is what I have found.

In the last two weeks I found these words come out of my mouth.

'Last year before/when/after I was in hospital....'

With this, concern would cross over my friend's faces as they think I have been ill again at some time.

'Oh, I can't say that anymore,'I correct myself.

Last year is 2009 and no longer 2008.

I remember my life by who I was pregnant with, who was a baby, who was being breastfed and what stage of schooling whoever was at. The last twelve years of my life is mapped out by my five beautiful bless-ed children. I can pinpoint the year by all of my precious markers.


Tia's presence marker is no longer last year in my life! Oddly with this, I feel a strange mix of emotion. The realisation of time moving on and all things healing. This marker is slipping into the past and part of me doesn't want it go. It was one of the most significant years of my life!

But mostly it means that Tia is growing up! At least once a day, I watch her in awe as she does something amazing. It creates an ache in my heart which is tainted with what may not have been. We love her so much and can't imagine our world without her.

Tia is my fifth marker in my life and she is a huge marker at that. But it is no longer last year.

I can't say last year when Tia came into our life. I can't say that anymore and it is making a little part of my heart break......

Cathryn