Green for Premmies

Fabulous idea!
Lil Aussie Prems which is Australia's premier forum for families during their NICU/SCN journeys and beyond are having a Wear Green for Premmies Day.

Grab yourself a green wrist band to wear on Wednesday 6th April and show your support for premature babies and their families

For more information go to Lil Aussie Prems

Have a great weekend,

Cathryn

The Great Debate

This is the first time I've posted about anything controversial. All week I've been watching a debate on Facebook about an event called 'Poppi's Rule'. This event is organised by a family and their friends who lost a baby due to preterm birth at 22+3 weeks gestation. The story is sad, heart wrenching and traumatic. Around Australia, every day babies are born too early. Born before they're due and unfortunately some are born before the magic 24 week gestation line where viability can't be considered for the baby.

Viable- what a cold cruel word for the use in terms a small baby.

I heard the word viable often waiting from 19 weeks gestation in hospital. Waiting to see if I'd reach the 24 week line. It was near a 5 week wait. I wasn't supposed to, medically, make it.

I made it to 24 weeks. And beyond.

I wondered in the last week before the 24 week line what would happen? What if something happened when I was say 23+3 weeks, what would they do? To me this was a huge grey area. I know of babies who have survived at this gestation.

Before 23 weeks I'd resigned myself to the fact that my baby would not make it. There was a part of me that didn't want him or her to make it if born then. The battle would have been huge and the long term side affects too unknown if he or she survived. The chances of survival were very very slim especially with my complications. Sometimes things are simply not suppose to be and that is your journey, your sidetrip in life. It is what you're here to face and learn from. Take the lesson and grow.

Back to the Facebook event. Oh my! The emotions are running high! There is a pro page and now an against page.

The 'for' team is wanting the law change so all parents of babies born between 20-24 weeks have the right to request for their babies to be assisted in a fight for life and that every hospital be equipped to be able to do this.They are simply telling their story. Using emotion and their experience of losing a baby so tragically.

The 'against' side is simply against the above. From what I can tell the against side are mainly people who have had first hand experience of prematurity and the NICU world. They are using experience and medical knowledge to voice their case.

Me, well I'm not 'joining' either side.

The pros have their issues. They aren't providing information to the people joining their event. What is the current law?? What does it state?? What is your new rule??? Are they fighting federal or state law?? So you have a 200000 names on Facebook, what are you going to do with them?? It is pointless if you don't have organisations and foundations of premature babies, obstetric professionals, NICU specialists and hospitals on your side.

The pros are grieving and want answers for what happened and perhaps there does need to be a review of the law.The main thing they are achieving is raising awareness of the suffering of families around Australia.

The against are trying to let people know the facts. Being born before 24 weeks is NOT about being born small. The NICU journey, no matter what gestation, is not for the fun of it or about the baby being too small. These babies are born too soon. They are born too immature for the world outside their mother's womb.

There are two sides of Poppi's Rule. Many valid points are being made on both sides.Both sides have knowledge and experience of the two different sides.

My heart aches for these families who lose there babies mid term. I have not walked in their shoes. Tia and I crossed that magical 24 week line.

I cannot tell you how many women, families and friends who have shared their sad stories with me. How many tears I've cried for others.Having a healthy full term baby is not a given. No one is immune.

All I know for sure is this, babies are supposed to be born at term which is on average 40 weeks gestation. The only safe place for a baby to grow until then is in their mother's womb.

We can fight for our premmie babies but there is no answer or medical solution to prematurity. There is not one reason for early birth there are hundreds and this means it will always be an outcome.

I think the answer is to unite and work together for all the precious babies who are miscarried, born too soon or born sleeping.

Support and helping each other. Unity is the only way.

Cathryn

Here's an article about the family of Poppi http://www.news-mail.com.au/story/2011/02/18/family-still-mourning-babys-death-bundaberg/

And an interesting article about the difference a week can make http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-premature-baby-20110218,0,1645424.story?track=rss

Faith

New Years is a fun time. It is a time to start dreaming and setting goals. I always find myself conjuring up ideas and plans for the coming year. Here's what I've been thinking about.

Firstly running. Since my Bridge Run in September I've not been running as my back was protesting and basically making my life a misery. So I stopped running. Took up walking and then ended up doing nothing. Guess what? My back was still making my life a misery! So I'm back running :)Now to complete the City to Surf again with the aim of keeping up with my Bless-ed No.1 son. If you're going to do it then do it properly I say!

Also finish my book. Yes, I know you were thinking that, well, me too! Yes, it will be a priority. I will say nothing further about my book.

Then I have another slightly crazy idea bouncing around my mind. I'm wondering if I can do it. Will it be a success? Working on the idea and concept. Piecing things together and coming up with a plan. Sorry I'm not ready to share my idea yet.

But I will share this. When you need guidance, when you're looking inside and the doubt is creeping up and taking over the idea and ruining your plans. You can find the answer. This is the direct message I received via a pack of Self Care cards the other day-

'Have faith. Faith grows when you act without knowing the end result'

Hmmm, I may just have to take the leap and follow my slightly crazy idea after all!

Oh yeah,and finish my book.
I'll keep you posted :P


Cathryn

Bless-ed Chloe

Three years later and my New Year has started once again not how I imagined. Am I not learning the lesson?

My beautiful beautiful little dog Chloe left us last night. She was accidentally ran over by a friend shortly before midnight. The horror and pain was instant. The dog I'd bought for my children. The dog I bought on my own and walked through the door and gave them was suddenly unexpectedly gone.

My heart aches. My children cry.

I haven't cried. I have sobbed. Gut wrenching sorrow filled sobs. I am numb. My darling Chloe is gone.

Her husband (the Bless-eds married them last New Years day) Laska sits at the door. He is confused and lost. I look at him and the numb ache remains.

Chloe is in my book. The image I clung to of my homecoming with baby in arms always involved her. Always she would be at the gate on the bright sunny day tail wagging looking up at me and the new baby saying 'Hey you! Where you been? Do you have a new play mate for me?'

My homecoming was not a bright sunny day but a cold dark evening,and yes Chloe was there. At the gate wagging her tail looking up at me.

Everyone loved her.

We are grieving for her.
The tears will flow and then one day stop.
We will always miss her.

Bless-ed Chloe will be forever in our hearts.

Happy New Year,

Cathryn

All You Need is Love

One morning a couple of weeks ago I awoke with a start. Somewhere in my sleeping subconscious I'd realised that Christmas was just around the corner and I was not prepared. As I slowly slipped into consciousness and lay there listening to my home waking for the day I realised I only had one day to get prepared before Christmas. One day without children in tow, one day to shop for five children and that was the very next day.

The very next day at 10.30 in the morning with children tucked away at their schools I parked my car and paid the machine for 3 hours parking. I headed towards the shopping centre and shopped. No break for a leisurely lunch or a rest with a coffee. I whizzed around the department stores, toy shops and speciality outlets flashing my credit card left right and centre.Loaded up with bags I struggled around the shops making a trip back to the car to unload. Names were getting marked off my mental list. By 1.30 I was back at the car putting into the boot the last of the gifts for my family. My three hour whirlwind shopping spree over.

That night I lay in my bad thinking about my day. I felt no real happiness other than I'd achieved a lot for my day. No joy at the thought of all the gifts my family would receive. My Christmas spirit was stuck in neutral.

The following weekend we went to the local Christmas pantomime. A group of local actors on stage with a simple aim of entertaining people and putting a smile on their faces. My Bless-ed Harmony laughed louder than anyone. Everyone in the crowd booed, hissed, laughed, and cheered. My cheeks ached as I left the hall. My heart felt light and happy. My Christmas spirit had moved up a gear.

I remained in this gear into the week but was soon bogged down with life and work. Running around for the end of school and getting things organised with the business. Finally school broke up and one of our busiest weekends for work came to an end. It was time for Christmas tree shopping and this year we were buying local.

Bless-ed Frank and I stood in a paddock with the kids looking up at large tall trees while the owner of the trees asked which branch would we like. Frank and I slid sly looks at each other while we both held back laughter. Usually we go to a tree farm where we are given a saw and we all ran around yelling this one, no this one while we picked a tree. Here we had a man with chainsaw ready to chop the top of a tree off. We both knew we could've done this at our home for free!

With the branch in trailer the kids and I hopped in the car while Frank went inside the office to pay. The kids erupted in laughter. We could've done that at home they shrieked. We shrieked and laughed even louder when Frank got into the car and said exactly the same thing. The laughter rocked the car all the way home.

An afternoon a couple of days later with the Christmas branch decorate strapped to the flue of the fire place as it 12 feet tall, I sat wrapping all the presents while Frank entertained the kids. As I wrapped I thought about my shopping spree, the running around, the perceived stress of the Yuling. I then thought of the laughter and happiness of the activities that had made me smile and really put me in the Christmas spirit.

It was nothing to do with presents or giving or receiving. It was all to do with love. Enjoying being together and enjoying each others joy. Being present with the people you love.

So my Christmas wish this year was for everyone to feel love and for the love to follow them into the New Year.

Because love is all you need.

Happy Loving New Year to you,

Cathryn

What Kangaroo Care Means to Me

Say the words Kangaroo Care to anyone who has entered the world of the NICU and they know what you're talking about. Say it to the unexperienced and they ask if you look after kangaroos- seriously! I live in Australia so I could very well be caring for kangaroos!

When Becca and I looked at a name for a support and play group for our area we came up with the name Kangaroo Care. Kangaroo Care is encouraged in hospitals for mothers and fathers to hold their little premature and unwell babies on their chest so contact is skin to skin. The act of doing this has been highly beneficial. These tiny little babies thrive on the closeness with their loved ones. We knew the name would be easily recognisable to those we wanted to help.

For me there was another side to it.During my sidetrip to bring Bless-ed Tia into the world I found myself embraced in another form of Kangaroo Care. My family, my friends and my community wrapped my Bless-ed self and family in love with physical and emotional support in a way I never thought possible. We were helped on so many levels by so many people. It made us feel truly Bless-ed. To this day we marvel at the generosity of the people who helped us and express gratitude for all we received during the months I was away and when we came home.

Sadly, I realised that not all families who faced this challenging time had the support that we had. Kangaroo Care was needed by many. It is a special embrace from others who know and have been there too.

As Becca and I worked building our group we realised that it was a huge task and it was best to have support behind us too. So we merged Kangaroo Care with the Miracle Babies Foundation here in Australia to the Shoalhaven NurtureGroup. Our NurtureGroup is going from strength to strength. It is wonderful to be helping so many other families which has been our aim all along.To give them support during and after their journey.

The amazing thing for Kangaroo Care is that it has survived the merge. We have a page on Facebook (see link on right hand side of the page) and it is slowly growing. We use the page to promote all premature and unwell baby support groups and organisations worldwide. Families share photos and stories. It is a place to embrace others and acknowledge the journey they've been on. A simple page which understands the strength behind a simple act of close and loving hug. Even if it is from thousands of miles away.

Because sometimes a hug, an act of Kangaroo Care, is all you need to gather yourself up and keep going!

Just like it is for our precious little miracle babies <3

Cathryn

Just Do It!

Sometimes you simply need to dig deep and just do it to reach your goals. This last week or so I've realised that the energy to dream up the goal and the energy to reach the goal are two totally different feelings. Having an idea and dreaming up the plans and scenarios can be more exciting and interesting than actually bringing the dreams to completion.

One of my goals has been to complete the Sydney Bridge Run again and it was on last weekend. I ran it in 'O7 and I wanted to do it again. During my training I imagined over and over finishing. My family waiting at the end. The hugs and congratulations. Taking Bless-ed Tia into my arms. The completeness I would feel. The knowing that physically I am back to where I had been.

Instead as the week of the run approached I was ill at the beginning of it so rest and recuperation was needed. My plans for the whole family to be there were put aside as too difficult to orchestrate. So it was Bless-ed Jenson and I travelling up to Sydney and running on our own. The little doubting voice started in my head saying you're not ready/not fit enough/ too old/ too whatever to do this. In the end I decided I'd just go, enjoy myself and merely finish.

A perfect lightly overcast day greeted us and we timed our arrival at the event perfectly. Little time was spent waiting around. I gave Jens his final instructions and we set off over the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was a tussle through the crowds with probably 3 times as many runners as last time and 2ks in I had a stitch. I pushed on planning to run it off. At the 4k drink station I grabbed a drink and that was the last I thought about the stitch.

I past St Mary's Cathedral,I must add here that by now Jens was nowhere to be seen so my mother's anxiety kicked in, and I entered the Botanical Gardens. Along the way out to Lady Macquaries Chair you can view the runners heading back to the finish so this leg went fairly fast and I scanned the crowd for my boy. As I came to the turn I looked across and there he was cruising along without a care in the world. A little lump of pride and relief swelled in my throat.

I continued on while praying for the drink station which was still a couple of ks further along. As I came up to the 7k mark I felt weary and tired. I questioned whether I should go on. What was it I needed to prove?

I watch an older man stop and place his hands on his hips sighing. I looked at his body language reading defeat. I thought that's not going to be me. I can do this! I eyed the drink station ahead and made my decision. Go in and have a drink, take your time then head to the finish line.

Feeling freshly watered and ready I re-entered the race and pounded back through the crowd. The best thing about these big races is there is always someone going slower. Someone you can aim for and go past. I ran past people feeling ready to conquer my goal. I headed down the final hill, passing people on Macquarie St going down and looking at people still going up. The end lay out below me at the Opera House. I crossed the line in what felt like mere seconds later rather than minutes. As I crossed I threw my arms in the air in triumph.

Yes!!I did it! I thought.

Instantly I went back into mother mode. I quickly searched for Jenson and found him. We grabbed a drink and took off our timers to return them. It was over. The goal was complete. I felt neither up or down. Slightly despondent. Certainly not jumping out of my skin with excitement. Not exactly how I thought I would feel. We decided to head to a cafe for lunch after spending a little while stretching and cooling down.

We found a nice place where we could watch the marathoners go past. While Jens went to the bathroom I sat alone watching the world go by. My mobile beep beeped that I had a message. I opened the message.

"Congratulations Cathy! You completed the Bridge Run 2010 in 51.06 minutes.'

With that the tears rolled down my cheeks. Confirmation.I was back. I'd done it. Faster than last time.

I'd achieved my dream. I stopped thinking about it and did it!

Cathryn

PS I wanted to post a photo with this but as usual no photos of me in the official photos!